finding it very hard to enjoy this off time from work that I’m having right now…..

As I spark yet another blunt, not the first of the night nor the last, I’m just sitting here on the couch, thinking… like I have been for the past week or so… since I quit my job. Yeah the pay was badass, but they were all hoein’ me over there. Fake ass tricks. I don’t need it anyways, J will support me no matter what. J’s my fiance or, the “baller,” as I like to call him. That’s my daddy right there, I look up to him in every way. He’s my go-to for everything and Lord knows I can’t keep shit hidden from him. He can tell anything he wants about me, just by looking into my eyes. Sounds cheesy? Eh, fuck you; it’s the truth. Back to my thinking, I’m wondering what I could be good at.. I’m trying to draw, not going so well. I’m trying to write a story… I don’t think this is going too well either. J’s no help either, “I think you can be good at anything you put your mind to, baby.” Thanks babe, but I asked for a direct answer. I like being told what to do sometimes. It helps by giving me something to start off with, a sense of which direction I should start in. For what, you’re asking? I’m trying to figure out what I’d be good at in life, remember? Okay anyways, ice skating is already dead and gone, it’s been almost a year since I’ve skated. Crazy. I thought I’d never ever quit. Reality hits harder than I thought possible.